


the weight of the ones you love

by Areiton



Series: the family we make [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Panic Attacks, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Pepper Potts, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 20:07:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18630403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Areiton/pseuds/Areiton
Summary: An Endgame character study





	the weight of the ones you love

**Author's Note:**

> The first time he smiled after Titan, Pepper told him she was pregnant.

The first time he smiles after Titan is when Pepper tells him she's pregnant.

He's still underweight, his hands shake and he can never get _warm_ but he looks at her, at the white stick in her hand and he smiles.

~*~

They get married and it's quiet. The whole world is quiet but this--this is him and her and Happy. Rhodey apologizes, explains there's a civil war in Argentina that needs War Machine and Tony waits next to the minster alone.

He doesn't mind. Pepper is there and he's there, and a wedding ring on his finger and her's makes it official.

She's his.

He's her's.

He breathes and hugs her, the thin gold band a solid weight on his hand.

~*~

He has nightmares.

He wakes shaking, scrambling to scrub his hands clean, and throws up when he hears someone call him _Mr. Stark,_ and finds one of Peter's homework assignments crumpled in the lab and Pepper finds him there later, shaking and sobbing on the ground.

He has nightmares and he isn't ok. Even as he puts on weight and gets stronger, he isn’t ok.

But Pepper is there, her belly round and big and her smile touched with a familiar grief and she cries.

Not often, not where he can see--Pepper is the strongest person he’s ever met, and that hasn’t changed with the end of the world--but she cries, and he finds her sleeping with a familiar blue and yellow Midtown Tech sweatshirt and he thinks--they aren’t ok.

This life, without Peter, is an endless nightmare.

~*~

Morgan Stark is born on a Tuesday, a sunny quiet day far from the Avengers and New York and the world that ended and kept on spinning.

She’s born, and the doctor places her in his arms, and he trembles.

“Pep,” he whispers, hoarsely.

“I know,” she says, tired but strong. “I know.”

She’s solid, a tiny steady weight in his arms, and he stares at her, and sees her.

He stares at her, and sees a boy with dark curls and wide terrified eyes, crumbling to dust.

He stares at her and promises, he’ll never leave her. Never let anything hurt her.

~*~

He screams, when Pepper dumps baby powder on Morgan a week after they bring her home, screams and clutches her tight enough Morgan screams with him, and Pepper is sobbing and he _knows_ it’s PTSD, knows it doesn’t even look the same--but the puff of _dust_ clings to the air, drifting into nothing and staining his hands, and he _screams_.

~*~

Pepper gets rid of the baby powder. He doesn’t dig in the dirt. He doesn’t dust the house, leaves when it’s time for the housekeeper to do that. He watches Morgan obsessively.

He hates himself, for being _happy_.

He thinks, though--Peter would be happy for him.

~*~

“Your brother would love you,” he whispers to his baby, and Pepper’s grip on him tightens. “He would love you so much, sweetheart.”

~*~

Peter is her brother. Rhodey is her uncle. Mr. Happy is something like an uncle and a brother both, and she adores them all.

Sometimes, she asks when Peter will come see her--Happy does and sometimes Rhodey slips away and slumps, exhausted, on their couch.

He doesn’t know how to answer her, so he brushes her hair back and kisses her, and doesn’t.

~*~

She’s beautiful and brilliant and he holds her and sometimes, he doesn’t feel the boy he couldn’t keep, the son he loved and lost.

Sometimes, he wants to look away from her shining innocence, because Peter is _there_ , echoed in her smile and sass.

“I miss him,” he whispers to Pepper and she presses her tears into his bare stomach, and shudders.

~*~

They come back, with promises and hope, that vile fucking thing, and he hates them for it.

For the way Morgan watches them, curious, and Pepper watches _him,_ knowing, and he watches his hands, and _hopes._

~*~

He holds her close, solid and steady and warm and her tiny precious voice whispers, “I love you, Daddy.”

He holds her close, and kisses her goodbye and goes out to save the brother who would love her, the boy he couldn't save, the son he loved and lost.

~*~

Five years later, and he can feel this, always--Morgan’s weight in his arms, and Pepper’s ring on his finger, and Peter’s dust on his hands.

He wants to feel his son in his arms.

~*~

He _hopes._


End file.
